


The Hands That Held Me Down

by jessanimus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:00:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessanimus/pseuds/jessanimus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh by the way Eren is going to be there. Obviously.”<br/>The smile had held on her face as he spoke, she was fine until the last statement, already making plans.... Yet the simple mention of his name, her or well their former best friend had her coming undone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Hello anyone who clicks on this, I haven't posted anything online in years and this just came to me. I hope you like it.

    Grocery shopping had always brought Mikasa a strange sense of peace, one that no one else seemed to understand. While most found it tedious, a chore to be done and nothing more, Mikasa found something relaxing about combing the aisles one by one, finding what she needed and putting it into her cart. Maybe it was simply that it was one task in her life she didn’t really have to analyze.

    One thing she knew wouldn’t be life altering if she messed up. It was late, there were only a handful of people in the store this late, most glossy eyed after a full day looking right through her, the rest probably people who worked the night shift or had something big happening the next day. She had recently discovered she enjoyed simple things like silence, the ability to blend right into the background every once in a while. She was in the cereal aisle  trying to decide between coco puffs and chocolate kellogs when her phone rang. Not her work phone which she had left charging at home, because really no one called her on it at 3 am anyways, but her personal phone, the one only family members and closest of friends were privy to. She didn’t have to look to know who was calling, he was after all the only one that knew she would be up at this ridiculous time.

“ _ **If you wake up Annie or the baby she is going to track me down and kick my ass and I don’t think that’s a risk I am willing to take Arlert”** _ she says in form of greeting, pleasantries were not really a requirement when you had known someone the better part of your life. She is of course rewarded with a small chuckle, one she knew almost as well as her own. 

**_“Contrary to popular belief my fiancée is not nearly as dangerous as you make her out to be Ackerman”_ **

The dark haired girl smiles placing the Kellogs back on the shelf and pushing the cart towards the end of the aisle.

 ** _“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?_** _I would have thought a big name Lawyer like yourself needed all the time out of court to catch up on his beauty sleep. “_ banter between the two was never too serious, halfhearted and light, the advantages of growing up together.

**_“At least I am not in not shopping, and don’t even try to tell me you aren’t. It’s Tuesday, and you my friend are nothing if not predictable.”_ **

She smiles for the second time, probably that whole day and shrugs knowing he couldn’t see.

**_“What can I say? I don’t really like having my picture taken when I try to decide weather or not I want hummus with my pita chips.”_ **

_**“Who eats pita chips without hummus?”** _ the blonde asks, disgust evident in his tone.

**_“Mind your own business Arlert.”_ **

He laughs this time and she joins him, glancing around to make sure no one is watching her.

 ** _“So is there any reason you are calling me at this hour or are you just calling to insult my dietary choices?”_ ** she asks knowing there was more to the call than just a friend calling to check in.

 ** _“Well this is the only time I can call you when I know you aren’t busy and will actually pick up, I am getting pretty tired of having Sasha tell me you are shooting and will get back to me.”_ ** Mikasa bites her lip knowing she had no liable excuse. She had been the one who had told her assistant to keep everyone away for now; she just hadn’t felt up to dealing with anyone lately.

 ** _“Sorry, I meant to ca...”_ ** He cuts her off and she stops knowing he meant business.

**_“I know you did Mika, I’m not really calling for an apology, just wanted to let you know that Abby is turning one this Saturday and because you have yet to RSVP I want to ensure that her godmother wouldn’t be missing her birthday party. It starts at 1 and its carnival themed. God knows why but Annie insisted.  Half the neighborhood is invited not to mention we have about a million people flying in. One would think it’s a national party instead of a party for a baby who won’t remember it. I guess pragmatic isn’t in my lovely fiancée’s dictionary. Oh by the way Eren is going to be there. Obviously.”_ **

  The smile had held on her face as he spoke, she was fine until the last statement, already making plans, knowing she would probably have to fly in the day before, probably rent out a hotel nearby which would be complicated considering New York was always full of paps, but his last words, tacked on almost as an afterthought, purposely omitted until now made her drop the packet of cheese she had been reading moments earlier. Because of course he would be there, he was Armin’s daughters godfather and nothing less but his attendance, much like her own, was expected. Yet the simple mention of his name, her or well their former best friend had her coming undone. 

Armin was still going on, something about clowns and ponies but she was no longer paying attention, instead saw nothing but the bright green eyes she had been avoiding for the better part of the year. Heard nothing but the half mumbled goodbye he had said the night they knew it was over…

She needed to get out, needed a way out.

 ** _“Hey, I um. Need to go. I’ll be there promise.”_ ** Her words are fast, too fast and she knows he knows what is happening but she doesn't know what more to say.

 _ **“Give the girls a big kiss for me. See you soon”**_ she doesn't wait for his response locking her phone already heading for the exit, her half-full cart left hazardously in the middle of the cheese and deli section.

    It took her three tries to get the ignition running and once she finally gets the car on it takes her longer than it should have to remember where the gearshift was. Knowing she was in no condition to drive, at least not for now, instead she sets the car back to park and takes her hands off the wheel.

She knew this day would come sooner or later, one can only run for so long, but she had been hoping for later when it came to Eren Jaeger.

That was the one thing she wasn't sure if she was ready to face.


	2. At The Bottom Of Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there anyone reading this, I am going for updating this at least once a week and having around 30 chapters before being done. I am currently playing it as I go along but I do have an outline for what I want this story to look like.

     They hadn’t fallen apart all at once, not really. It was a slow decent into the madness that their life became in the last few days, a slow painful tearing of what should have been a great canvas, Instead now it laid in ruins around their feet. It had been a comment, a harmless one at that. Some Benefit Gala Mikasa was required to attend. She didn’t particularly enjoy formal events and she had suggested he accompany her for once, considering he didn’t really like going in front of cameras as her “boy toy” as he had taken to calling it.  She had meant no harm and to her own ears it sounded like little more than a suggestion so she wouldn’t have to suffer through another boring night alone. He had instead started a fight about her always forcing him into situations that he didn’t enjoy, and how she never considered his feelings on the matter even going as far as to suggest she go with her co-star Jean who she knew he didn’t get along well with.

   She had spoken too quickly, an unfortunate habit she had picked up from being around him and told him he didn’t have to go because she was used to going alone anyways. This of course had resulted in him walking away and spending the rest of the night in the room of their shared apartment. Things had been fine for a few days but it wasn’t long before they were fighting once more. Him yelling and banging things around, her low, yet stern not to mention callous words bouncing off the walls of their shared space. She knew it would be hard, they both did considering life hadn’t always come easy to either of them, yet this wasn’t something either of them had been expecting.

            Mikasa had known Eren so long she could hardly remember her life without him. She had been seven when her parents SUV had flipped over on a family trip killing both her parents instantly. She had been air transported to the nearest hospital where doctor Jaeger had been in charge of her case. Within a span of a few hours she was not only an orphan but all alone in the world.

  Both her parents were only children and her grandparents were already gone. She spent week in the hospital but recovered quickly, little more than a ragged scar right under her breast bone and the smallest of cuts on her face, a shard of glass had thankfully only grazed her cheek.  It was there that she met the doctors son. When she first saw Eren he was tiny, nothing but a mop of black hair and bright green eyes. Too knowing, too smart for a seven year old. He was one of her only visitors other than a few social workers, coming and going.  It had taken a few visits but eventually he brought with him a tiny yellow haired boy he called Armin and as the years passed the three of them became inseparable. Even as she was bounced around from foster homes and orphanages of one thing she was sure, and that was that she would always have the two of them in her life. Or so she had thought.

   Acting wasn’t something she had considered, not seriously at least, that was until she was walking around the mall, Armin and Eren as always by her side. She had been goofing off, ridiculously large sunglasses framing her face as she made kissy faces at Armin, who pretended to take a picture of her when a woman approached her. She spoke quickly declaring she was a talent scout and she liked what she saw. Mikasa had thought it was a joke at first but when she told her to meet her in the photography studio the next day for a few experimental shots and to call her if she had any questions Mikasa had found herself nodding dumbfound. Luck had rarely been at her side, but she wasn’t one to argue.

  She had modeled through the end of her Junior and half of senior year, appearing mostly as background in a few shows and a movie. That all changed when she was offered a leading role in a tiny movie. It wasn’t glamorous, she didn’t have a trailer or a makeup team at her back and call, but it was an actual movie deal and she had gladly accepted. The filming had almost kept her out of prom but Eren had borrowed his dad’s car and picked her up.  They had made it back for little more than the last ten minutes but they didn’t care.

That had been the first time he kissed her, it was sloppy and awkward as one would expect of two people who had waited too long to act on their feelings but they had been inseparable from that night on.

  The small movie that she hadn’t expected much from caught the attention of critics in a film festival and landed her her first award, The independent sprit Lead Actress award. She had been more surprised than anyone in the crowed and as she made her way up towards the stage in the same dress she had worn to prom Eren had been the only familiar face in the crowd, beaming and proud.

Her career had skyrocketed, a few more indie movies and before she knew it she was part of a franchise so much bigger than she had ever expected. Sure she played little more than a teenage girl caught in the middle of two boys that didn’t deserve, a supernatural twist and add to that that it was on the YA top seller and suddenly her name was a household name.

  Fame came with many accolades but there were thing no one and nothing could prepare you to give up. Her privacy had always been sacred to her, and this was something that everyone was quick to invade. From nosy talk show hosts to every and any tabloid. Suddenly she went from a nameless orphan to someone who needed a bodyguard.

 Relocating to California after graduation had been too easy, add to that that Armin had decided on UCLA and Eren was coming with her, well the transition had been smooth.

     Armin was usually busy with school and part time work and Eren too attended a few courses a semester as he tried to decide on a major. Life became easy for the first few months. She was coming home overnight exhausted but she suddenly had everything she wanted. A roof over her head that she could call her own and all the food she could buy. On her twentieth birthday she was awarded her parents bank accounts, trust funds and properties. A tearful day she had only gotten through because Armin and Eren had sat by her side, the flashbacks of the accident only making an occasional appearance as she signed the required paperwork.

  Armin graduated early to no ones surprise, and announced he was getting married at the end of the year. That December she wore a hideous dress and cheered as her best friend got everything he deserved. Her and Eren rolled their eyes the whole night when everyone teased they were next, although she knew it was in the horizon. Three years together, a lifetime as friends. What was stopping them?

  Armin was accepted into law school the following fall and Eren went into the medical field, something had been avoiding mostly to spite his father, of this she was sure.

   She was twenty three when she found herself nominated for an Oscar that same year, and even when she didn’t win just the mere thought of being nominated was crazy to her. Armin graduated from Law school and Eren got accepted into medical school. Life was moving too fast and she found herself in the posh Vanity fair party by herself, woozy from too much champagne.

It was the following year when everything started falling apart. Armin had his first child and she and Eren tried to hold it together.

  The night he left she was hardly surprised, it had been coming for a while and the final blow out was hardly small, but the two weeks where she all but disappeared afterwards shocked everyone. But for the first time in as long as she could remember she was alone once more, only this time it had been by choice and maybe that, that was what hurt most.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly background but we will be getting to the real story next chapter! Please stick around!


	3. So Here We Are

     It was loud at the airport. It always was she thought to herself sliding her headphones over her ears. Mikasa decided against the private Jet the following morning, there was no actual need and she doubted Eren would be flying in, much less from California. He had moved away three days after moving out of their shared condo. She had only known because Armin had let her know. She had been hoarded up in her apartment, eyes red and swollen but she could no longer cry. No matter how much she hydrated her body had refused to cry.

    She had known the end was coming for so long she should have had an easier time accepting it. She closes her eyes a few times trying to blink away the memories. Trying to clear her mind of everything and anything that had to with him. He had always affected her life; she had just never imagined it would be this way.

  Her steely eyes open once more as her flight is being called and she boards the plane, her wide-framed glasses still on her face when she takes her seat. Thankfully no one recognized her, which wasn’t unusual. While she was popular in the mainstream media she was thankfully still able to navigate through the sea of people that was California. Who wanted a picture of Ackerman with the possibility of a Karadashian wandering near by? Something she had learned early in the business, there is always someone more exciting than you. They wanted to know whom their favorite star was with, what they were doing and why they were doing it. A seemingly random person in a black tracksuit and big glasses hardly called for attention.

     The flight although long passed by swiftly as she read over the script of the new movie she was set to star in the following month and before long she was heading for the car service she had her Assistant Sasha pre-request. She was so preoccupied checking her text and Emails she almost bumped into the person in front of her. She quickly looked up, the apology already on her lips when it instantly morphed into a grin. She could recognize that button nose anywhere. “Armin.” Her voice is much too gentle to be considered an exclamation but the joy in it is undeniable. It’s all too easy lifting her arms and throwing them around his neck, pulling her body close to his own as she breathes in the familiar scent of home.

   She could remember the days when Armin was no taller than her shoulders, remembered the days he had been picked on as a child for being so much smaller than everyone else in their class, this was something that she and Eren had never allowed and no one was more surprised than he himself when he shot up their sophomore year. He and Eren had both been taller than her the rest of their high school career and she was glad that her best friend in the world found confidence eventually, even if it took a physical change to give him that.

“Now I know miss independent doesn’t need anyone picking her up at the airport but I had arranged with Sasha to pick you up. Don’t be too mad at her for lying to you” he chuckles as he steps back from their embrace. He reaches for her bag sliding it over his own shoulder before wrapping his arm around her slender frame leading her towards the exit. “I will try not to be, considering the two of you are always scheming behind my back” she teases. Stepping into the crisp October New York air she takes a deep breath letting it sink in.

   She shivers and subconsciously reaches for her scarf. A scarf she hadn’t worn in months. A scarf that was tucked away in a box with other things she couldn’t look at just yet. It catches her off guard but the silent pang in her heart surprises her most of all. She instead she lifts her hand further and pulls off her glasses trying, the overcast afternoon making them unnecessary and the motion helping her recover from the slight misstep. “So are we taking a taxi or?” she knew he had a car but she could never be sure. They had grown up in New Jersey, which meant spending plenty of time in New York. It was here after all like many others before her where she had started her career. “Nah I have the car. The drive shouldn’t be too bad. It’s not like we are heading into Manhattan or god forbid Jersey.” It was a familiar joke, even when they had all lived in jersey they liked to joke that they were from New York. There was just something exciting about the big city. Everyone had assumed they would move there when they finished high school but in the end only Armin had, and even then only after Law school. He had never adapted to the California weather and his bride was happy to go where he went.

     “Oh yeah. Why would we do something like that?” she jokes back as they walk towards the parking garage, falling into his familiar steps.

**“I really did miss you.”**

\----------------------

  It’s about an hour later that she finds herself on Armin and Annie’s deck, a glass of wine in her hand and her adorable goddaughter on her lap, her chubby fingers tugging on her hair. The deck was already littered with a few of their friends, even when the party wasn’t until the next day everyone took to congregating at Armin’s house when in town.

   It could hardly be helped considering most of them lived out of state, or over in Jersey. Annie sat across from Mikasa a smile on her face as she watches her daughter grab another chunk of her dark hair and tug. They both laugh and Mikasa puts down her glass to untangle the baby’s tiny fingers from her hair. “What made you grow it out?” the question is innocent but Mikasa glances up at Annie wary all the same.

     “They wanted it longer for the final movie in the trilogy. I just haven’t gotten around to cutting it.”

The conversation shifts a few times and Mikasa finds herself able to relax in the comfortably setting. The wine gives her a happy buzz and the people here don’t treat her like Mikasa the movie star, instead they treat her like the girl they have always known. It’s around nine when she is in the kitchen, laughing with their friend Bert about something that a sudden hush descends on those gathered in the living room. Bert and her glance at each other for a moment before heading over to check out what happened.

   It’s too late that she realizes her mistake, and as she walks into the living room she is confronted with those same eyes she too often thought about. The eyes, which color no matter how often she had looked at, she could never seem to recall correctly later. There standing by the door was Eren. Her own eyes go wide and she takes an involuntary step back.

   He has an easy smile on his face and his hair is wind tousled. He looks good, he had always looked good, but he looks so different from the beat down man she had last seen. He had been working out, that much was obvious even through his shirt, and as he shrugs off his jacket already greeting those gathered she forgets what to do with her hands. She glances down at them as if they were some foreign objects as she tries to regain her cool demeanor. She wasn’t one to become flustered. At least not generally. Bert clears his throat next to her and she looks up confused only to find Eren now standing in from of her, a strange look on his face and she notices to late that he has spoken and she has missed what he said.

“I’m sorry what?” she half mumbles before glancing over at Bert for help. Eren laughs a familiar laugh and her heart stutters in her chest once more. Fuck.

  “I said hello Mikasa, I wasn’t aware you had gone deaf since the last time I saw you” it was a joke, she knew it was and she somehow finds herself able to smile back at him.

   “Hi Eren. Yeah it’s been a while. Nice to see you” the words are too fast, anything but nonchalant and this was not the way things were supposed to be. She had never been the one who couldn’t speak. She had never been the one who felt out of place.

 He smiles nodding at her once before moving on, clearly done with the conversation. It had been a greeting, nothing but a greeting and yet she was ready to scream. All those months away from each other and that’s all he had to say. She finds herself at a lost, making herself move towards a rest room where she stands a lot longer than necessary before turning on a sink and splashing herself with some cold water.

   She needed to get out of here.

  It takes her a few minutes to say goodbye to everyone, not bothering to go out to the deck where Eren was talking to Armin about something that was clearly hilarious, she was sure he wouldn’t miss her. She ask Annie to tell Armin she is hitching a ride with Reiner who is staying at her same hotel and that she will see them tomorrow for the party.

    The drive is short and before too long she finds herself alone in her room. After a long cold shower where she replays her now in hindsight insignificant conversation with Eren too many times to be considered healthy she dons a nightgown and lays down. She is already in bed, lights off when her phone goes off. She is mindless as she reaches for it. Most likely Sasha checking in only to be shocked by what she instead receives.

 **☈** _SMS_ : Eren 

> _**Do you still stay up late or is that just me?** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait! A lot came up and I was trying to work out the time outline for this story. We are finally getting somewhere and I hope to be back to weekly updates now!


	4. Bleeding Until I can’t Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me so much longer than I wanted it to. Honestly it was because of school starting up again and trying to rework the timeline a few times so it made sense? Anyways sorry for the long wait and hopefully I will have another update soon.
> 
> Also thank you to my amazing beta [Dani](http://archiveofourown.org/users/maquina/pseuds/maquina) everyone should head over there and check out her fic tbh.

**\--Eren POV--**

 

   He could remember the first time he had seen her, the scared little girl shivering on a hospital bed. He wasn’t sure why his father had brought him to meet her. After all he had an endless list of patients, what was so special about this one?

She hadn’t spoken his whole visit and that had made him angry. When it had been time to go, he had gotten up ready to leave the uncomfortable situation when she finally spoke.

  “Can you ask the nurse for another blanket? I’m cold.” Her words had been soft, almost a whisper but he had heard them. He turned so fast he almost gave himself whiplash, and before he knew it he was walking towards her unraveling the red scarf from his neck and putting it around her own.

“That should help,” he said with a satisfied gap tooth grinned.

  “But I’ll bring you a blanket from home tomorrow. The ones here smell like chemicals.” With that he had left, knowing he would see her the next day.

Mikasa became a huge part of his life in a way he barely noticed. One day she was just someone who he kept company and the next she was an integral part of his life.

   Growing up with her was always an adventure. Wherever there was trouble it was almost, Armin and Mikasa were involved, not always by their own choice of course. It was as if it was some unwritten rule, they were in this forever and nothing could change that. It was childish to believe this was true of course but growing up the thought of anything else was unthinkable.

 He couldn’t remember falling for Mikasa because that wasn’t how it happened. He was an angry child and a reckless teenager, more than his parents could handle most days, yet her calming presence always kept him from going too far. When his mother got sick the summer of their freshman year he never even considered her dying. People beat cancer all the time right? His father was a doctor for fuck’s sake! It was slow and painful. Years later he could still hear the monitors that often provided ambiance at his home, her shaky voice and sweet smile. If there was a person who didn’t deserve a slow and painful death it was Carla Jaeger, but they all knew life liked to play sick games, he had seen it before after all.

  Her suffering ended eventually and he remembered little of the actual day it happened. He remembered being dragged out of the hospital room by Armin and his grandfather, punching a hole through a wall, Mikasa’s scowl as she bandaged his knuckles. It didn’t feel real, it didn’t feel possible because his mother wasn’t supposed to die.

   It rained on the day of the funeral as if the sky was crying all the tears he was too angry to shed, and as he stood under a black umbrella his friends on either side of him he felt nothing but anger. Explosive uncontrollable anger he wasn’t sure at whom to direct. His father? His friends? His now dead and gone mother? The world?

He knew people always talked about how great someone’s life had been once they were dead, all the good they had done and how they would be missed yet nothing that was said came remotely close to doing her any justice. He didn’t speak. Couldn’t find the words, instead placing a single white tulip on her casket before they lowered her.

They were meant to head back to his house once it was over but they stuck around, sitting under a big willow tree that overlooked his mother grave as he tried to grasp the fact that she was truly gone. Mikasa held his hands in her own and Armin spoke in soft soothing tones about things he knew were inconsequential.  They were a team.

 His father was alive but he might as well have died when his mother did, he was little more than the credit card in Eren’s pocket, the food in the fridge and the Beamer in the driveway. His friends were the only thing keeping him from driving that same car into a lake.

Mikasa was like a bright light at the end of the tunnel, often sneaking in through his window spending the endless nights in his bed, Always innocent, not that his father would have noticed anyways, but she rarely slept either and having each other made the nights shorter somehow. It was on one of those nights that she had suggested seeing a therapist for his anger, he had scoffed about it at first, more than a little offended, but because it was her he had eventually conceded

He remembered thinking it was strange when the whole modeling thing had happened, not that she wasn’t beautiful, it just didn’t sound like something that actually happened to regular people, but when the acting had started he couldn’t have been happier.

 Prom night changed everything and even when it was the most cliché thing to ever happen to them he was glad something had finally changed. It was strange to love your best friend more than anything else, it was even stranger when you knew she felt the same way yet had done nothing about it. Their friends had all seen it coming and after graduation as most had expected he had followed her to California where she could further her career. He hadn’t minded, anything to see that smile on her face, anything as long as he was where she was.

                          Award shows, Hollywood parties and running into people he read about in magazines became their life. Sure he tried to be a normal college student with Armin and for all intents purposes he was. He spent time in class and in local coffee shops with the friends he made in school while Mikasa worked, yet when she landed the big one, the one that they knew would change her career from that one girl from that one movie that one time to a household name. It was some Young Adult novel, he had seen plenty of girls in his school holding it and when it hit the box office it exploded. His girlfriend’s picture was suddenly the center of just about every magazine, his own making casual appearances, rarely was his name mentioned. She was often linked to other actors even when she made it clear she had a boyfriend but he knew that came with the territory.

   It was his Junior year of college when he decided he wanted to go to medical school, the path hadn’t even seemed like a possibility, after all the last thing he wanted was to end up like his own father, but this wasn’t for him. This had nothing to do with him, this was his own path and he wanted to help those like his mother, those who needed someone at their worst. Armin graduated early and before he knew it he was getting married.

 It was strange to watch your best friend walk down the aisle,  he still felt too young to consider it but he could tell everyone was thinking it. He and Mikasa had been friends a lifetime; she was in the spotlight now, why not?

Their life started changing before they even realized it, Armin left back to New York, law school on the horizon and suddenly he spent most days alone. Sure he had friends from school but it was like he was lost in a life he was no longer sure he had chosen. His father checked in every few months and he skyped with Armin and Annie often but his girlfriend was often missing in action. She had endless shoots and events to attend now that she was a big name and while he sometimes tagged along he didn’t exactly enjoy it.

His anger and despair caught up to him that winter, most people were celebrating the holidays with their family and while he was accustomed to not having his parents around he thought it would be like old times. While Armin was gone he and Mikasa should be spending time together, they should be enjoying their cozy family of two. Instead promotion took her overseas for Thanksgiving and while she had promised she would be around for Christmas she got a call the night before about a party she had to attend.

  “I have no choice Eren. It’s a work thing, the movie is doing well and they want me to meet directors while they are still interested in me. I won’t be out all night, and we can just open presents when I get back or tomorrow morning.” She hadn’t looked up from the bracelet she was fastening and he felt as if she was speaking to him as if he were a child who was getting his favorite toy taken away for misbehaving instead of a grown man justifiably upset about the situation.

“It’s not about that Mikasa. This is Christmas Eve. We are a family and yet you don’t seem to care.” That finally caught her attention and she looked up, her silver gaze meeting his own.

“Don’t start with that.”

 That had been the beginning of the end, even if he hadn’t seen it right away, even if his brain had told him things would get better eventually he just had to give her time. He graduated the following year and got accepted into multiple medical schools, he had his pick but this was all eclipsed by the fact that Mikasa had been nominated for an Oscar. He had been ecstatic for her at first, but before long it only pulled them further and further apart. He didn’t attend the show, desperate to not be seen as an accessory in her life, and before long he stopped going to just about anything that had to do with her life in the lime -light.

  He knew it wasn’t right, heard it often from Armin how he was letting her slip away but in his own eyes she was only slipping away because she wanted to leave. They were visiting Annie and Armin the following year, Annie already round with pregnancy when Armin told them they would be the god parents and when Mikasa had to fly back home early because her shooting schedule had been moved up he was a lot more upset than Armin.

Their family always came second, their life always came second and she wasn’t even the person he had fallen for all those years ago. His anger grew and the more she pulled away the more he resigned himself to losing the last piece of his family he had left. If he could lose his mother, this was just another piece he would learn to live without.

 Leaving had been horrible, he could still remember the tears in her eyes, how sharp her voice had been as she called out after him that he was quitting and she should have seen it coming. He hadn’t gotten far from her apartment before pulling over, the sorrow consuming him once more. A week later his plane landed in Baltimore and he was desperate to start anew. John Hopkins was world renown and he knew he was lucky to have gotten in, knew he was lucky to be attending at all because his father could afford it but he chose to ignore that, at least for the time being.

 He had thrown himself into his work and saw little outside of the walls of his classes and his apartments, he had tried dating a few times, adverted his eyes from the tabloids and tried to steer clear of social media where he was sure a few people were sure to eventually post something with her name in the headline. Armin was their only connecting factor and Eren steered clear of any conversation that would lead to her. A year passed before he knew it and before long he was a second year medical student. When Armin called him about the party Eren could hardly believe Abby was already turning one, he had seen her over his summer holiday and she was growing so fast, it had almost slipped his mind that she would be there but if he was being totally honest she never truly left his mind.

\------------------- 

Taking the last flight was his only option, classes were still in session and he couldn’t just take a day off. Armin had sent a town car for him and the day before party was already in full swing when he pulled up to Armin’s house. It was so like their friends to have a party the night before their child’s birthday Eren didn’t question it.

Walking into the familiar home he felt at ease, waving at a few of his friends and stopping to chat with Armin. He knew the minute they were in the same room, he couldn’t explain it even to himself but his eyes flicked up and met her own. Shrugging off his coat easily his voice he did not raise instead speaking to around him before he had excused himself and headed over to her, almost like a magnet he simply couldn’t stay away even when he knew he should.  His eyes roamed up and down her body as he moved and he couldn’t help but wonder if she had changed in ways that his eyes were missing, she was still the same girl he had seen almost a year and a half ago and yet that seemed like a totally different life time, surely she too must feel it.

He spoke but it was clear when she didn’t hear him and when she finally speaks its as if he exhales for the first time since he left her presences. Their conversation was short, nothing is really said and before too long they are both making excuses to move on. He found himself on his best friends deck exchanging stories with no real consequence and before he knows it she is gone. Probably for the best he wanted to think but his mind already wanted more, the self destructive part of him is already counting down the seconds until they spoke once more.

\---------

  It’s hours later already checked into his hotel that he can’t take it anymore, phone in hand he dials the familiar number and sends a text he is sure he might regret later. It only takes a few minutes but eventually his phone light up and his smile widens as he reads the words on the screen.

☈SMS: Mikasa

**{ Old habits die hard, I guess that goes for both of us. Hello Eren. It’s been a while. }**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you soon I hope! And hopefully the next chapter wont end like this ahah.


End file.
